I am toying with the idea of joining a dating website. But for some reason, I just can't quite bring myself to do it. It's almost like admitting defeat, like saying I can't find anyone to go out with me. God, I sound like I'm back in the second form at school when I was so geeky and unpopular with the boys that the idea of fancying me was used an insult 'You fancy Siani...ha ha...'
Well, I'm at twenty thousand words and still no action. I'm not even bothered about having a relationship per se but just some male attention like a little bit of light flirtation would be nice. I think that's why I've been thinking about going online – so I won't feel like such a bloody social outcast.
However, a quick scan of various dating sites has shown me that there seem to be a fair few interesting characters online. If I don't want to feel like a social outcast then maybe 'You've Pulled' dot com isn't quite the place for me to flash my dating credentials. From doing a quick scan of the various different sites, I've realised how many options there are to choose from should you be looking for a relationship online. Did you know that there is a site for people who just want to have an affair? The tag line is 'Life is Short... Have an affair!' Eh? I mean I'm not one for taking the moral high ground but it seems a bit silly. The tag line should be: 'Bored in your marriage and want to destroy your relationship with your spouse by committing the ultimate betrayal? Have an affair!' At least that would be more honest.
There is also a site for people who just want no strings sex.... a while ago I posted about this concept, not realising that this site existed. I registered on this site for earlier this evening (research for this blog, obviously, without a photo and with minimal details) and, within three minutes of browsing profiles, four messages had popped up, all from men offering to do disgusting things to me, two of whom boasted almost naked pics on their profiles. Hmmm.... surely it can't be that easy? Anyway I deleted the messages and suspended my profile immediately – I was actually a bit scared. Again, the whole concept didn't bother me from a moral but a practical standpoint. I would be very worried that hotnhorny69 was likely to turn out to be shortfatbaldoldpervert84 or sadgeekwithhairyback65. Plus, from a more serious point of view, turning up at a strange guy's house is downright dangerous – he could be a crazy rapist serial killer or similar. Or he could just be really bad in bed. Feeling obligated into having jack rabbit sex with a fifty year old virgin who's photo shopped his face onto a young Brad Pitt's body is not my idea of fun.
Lots of people I know are on dating websites, and from what I have heard, people do lie a lot on their profiles. Apparently, men always lie about their height. In a way, I don't blame them, I mean imagine if you wrote the truth about yourself. Mine would go like this
I'm Siani, and I'm quite depressed about the fact that no one fancies me. I do very little exercise and lie on the sofa most nights in my tracksuit bottoms drinking wine and browsing Facebook. For the last three months I have been cyber stalking a man who, it turned out, was not interested in me at all. On the weekend I like to go out with my friends, slag off men and drink far too much. I have absolutely no interests at all. I don't read (except for Star magazine) cook or keep fit. I'm not at all adventurous or outdoorsy. I spend most of my weekends marking and on Sundays, I clean the bathroom. I have cellulite.
Add a truthful photo of me in my glasses first thing on a Sunday morning and I can guarantee that no one would be messaging me. Not even 'Pete, Vegan and Proud of it' or 'Fatty 0404'. And yes, these two men do exist, I saw them earlier...
Actually, some of these things aren't strictly true. I do like to keep fit, cook and read. I do have interests. But some of the paragraphs that are posted on these websites are really cringeworthy. Toe-curlingly so. It all seems so dishonest. I also really hate the way that users have to pick from a list of attributes, eg a bit intellectual (???) Err, picking that term shows me that you're not intellectual....doh...?! It makes everyone seem so generic. Members were, on one site I browsed today, asked to rate their own appearance. There were people on there who had rated their appearance as 'above average' which does seem to me to be just a tad smug. It was also unnecessary, given that users were expected to post pictures of themselves. Maybe it's just there to give an indication of how arrogant the guy is.... wouldn't it would be easier just to ask them that? Users could chose from 'a bit smug', 'kind of smug' and 'really up myself'. Although I suppose no one on a dating website is going to tick a box that says 'butt ugly' are they?
In a way, I actually preferred the sex website because at least there weren't any paragraphs about how the users liked going for long walks in the country, enjoyed wine tasting and sitting by roaring log fires of a Sunday. To be fair though, most of the users on the sex website couldn't really write very well judging by the spelling and punctuation displayed on their profiles (one man didn't even know how to spell 'come'...honestly!) Or maybe their hands were just shaking with excitement at the thought of all the sex they were about to have.
So, to conclude, am I going to join a dating website? No. Not at the moment. Maybe I will in the future, but at the moment I just can't face it. I'm just far too much of a cynical person - not that that's obvious from this post or anything.....
I have kept hotnhorny69's contact details though. Just in case I change my mind...
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