The 'Eat, Pray, Love' Syndrome

The 'Eat, Pray, Love' Syndrome

I went to see 'Eat Pray Love' last week and came out of the cinema with a hollow feeling. Why? Because the ending made me feel awful. Julia Roberts spends a year 'finding herself' only to speed off into the sunset with Javier Bardem, finally happy because she has a Brazilian hottie to spend the rest of her days with. Is it only me that finds this odd? That ultimately she ends up being validated or 'made whole' by a relationship when that was what she was supposedly escaping in the first place?

Unfortunately, I did the same thing this weekend – made a man responsible for my happiness. Poor him – he had no idea that was going on. To make matters worse, he (the hot guy I mentioned last time) has just split up with his girlfriend and is totally confused. He doesn't know what he wants and certainly doesn't need a load of pressure off me. I spent all day yesterday in a fever of anticipation, hoping something would happen between us. And it kind of did – in a fully clothed kind of way. However I'm not optimistic that its going to go any further – apparently he needs time to sort his head out. Or maybe that's just man speak for 'No thanks, I don't fancy you and I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last woman on the planet'. Today, I'm totally deflated (not to mention hungover,which doesn't help) and angry with myself for expecting so much. How can it be that my whole feeling of self worth can alter in less than twenty fours? Its ridiculous.

The Rules would say that 'he's just not that into me' and that I should move swiftly on. Therefore, I have resolved that when I see him at work, I will appear stable, happy, cool, calm, flirtatious and confident (on the outside) even though I'm disappointed, deflated and needy (on the inside). I'm going to deliver a performance worthy of an Oscar.

So. Anyway. Back to 'Eat Pray Love'. I'd love to mince around on a beach wearing a sari, with an endless parade of hot men to distract me and spend all day eating pizza without worrying about the carbs. But real life isn't like that. I need to man up (as my friend J says – excuse the pun!) and stop pinning all my happiness on a guy. I always do it and end up crushing them with my expectations.

Anyway, I'm off to read 'The Rules' again. I am calm, cool and confident...

Although, lets face it, Javier Bardem would definitely get it......